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  • Becky Johnson

The key to forgiving

Do you keep feeling resentment and anger toward someone for something you believe was 'done to you'? I carried anger, resentment, grief and other emotions for years. I felt that I had been treated unjustly and just couldn't let it go and forgive. . . . . until I realized several things.

One, I first realized that it was holding on to these negative, limiting emotions that was causing me to hang on and not just be able to forgive. I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't just let go and move on. I spent a great deal of time rehashing the past, talking to myself about how someone had done me wrong and reasoning why I should continue to blame and hold a grudge against them. I wasn't aware at the time that by staying in this state I was continuing to create more of the same. I often felt that people were violating me. Consciously I knew that remaining in this state of anger was hurting me more than anyone else, but it wouldn't go away. Once I was able to neutralize all the limiting, negative emotions, forgiving was easy because there was no longer anything to forgive. I removed a roadblock to my own growth. This one was so big. Just release the negative emotions and peace and forgiveness follow. I also had to release any negative emotions I was holding against myself such as guilt, shame, anger or whatever came up around a particular experience.

Two, I am not a victim!!!! I had to let go of the belief that I had been victimized by others. I accepted the fact that I allowed others to treat me the way they did and that I was doing the best I could do at the time. Again, I was attracting these experiences because of my thoughts and responses to others. I had to learn to set boundaries and be assertive. This takes a great deal of reprogramming of the subconscious mind. Self-esteem is a huge part of this reprogramming. You have to believe that you deserve to be treated with respect as you learn to respect others. By coming to respect myself and believing that I deserve to be treated with respect, I now set appropriate boundaries with others in a direct, non-confrontational manner. Establishing my needs and considering them has helped me to be respectful of myself and others as well.

Remember, if you don't respect yourself, others will not respect you either.

Breaking this cycle of "I am a victim", therefore, I continue to be angry, hurt, resentful, etc is the fastest, most permanent way to forgive and more forward.

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